What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
