I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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