We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
