she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
