literally had 100 drinks last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
