if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
