I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
