I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
