He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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