Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
