fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
