Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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