Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
