I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize