so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
