I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
