I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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