omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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