This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
