Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
