Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
