If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
