Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
