Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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