I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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