Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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