There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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