Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
