The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
