She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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