I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
