It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
