do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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