Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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