I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
