While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
