addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
