DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
