I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
