just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
