She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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