You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
