then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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