Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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