the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
