haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
4 words: hood of his car
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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