this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
