That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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