I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
