awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
