you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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