She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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