I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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