Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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