i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
