I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
