Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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