So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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