her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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