Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
