I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
