sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize