That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
