Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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