I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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