i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
