Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
