ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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