He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
