Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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