I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
