I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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