One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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