she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This baby is an asshole
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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