apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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