I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
