How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
