If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
